The untouchable “true love.”

Zsolt Hermann
5 min readNov 28, 2023

We are all born with an inherently self-centered, self-serving nature. Our consciousness and perception of reality revolve around ourselves. All our calculations are based on totally egocentric and subjective pleasure/pain calculations.

In short, by default, we are born into a cocoon that is totally about ourselves only, and this is how we live all our lives.

Even when we recognize others, relate to others, and seemingly give to others or even love others, that is also based on the same egocentric and subjective pleasure/pain calculations.

We connect to and love one another because this connection and love brings us some rewards and selfish benefits. If we didn’t have any reward or self-benefit from connecting to and loving others, we wouldn’t connect or love at all.

Our love is self-love, and this self-love dresses into different clothing; sometimes, it dresses into the clothing of loving others.

This is not the true love that permeates nature. This is not the true love that creates and nurtures life in nature.

The true, natural love that creates and sustains life is something we can’t even comprehend in our original, inherent form. If we “touched” true love without preceding preparation, we would feel like touching something life-threatening and lethal, something that negates our whole egocentric and personal existence, like touching high-powered electricity that immediately burns and vaporizes us.

Our original, inherent life is only about our selves. In true love, our self completely disappears for the sake of others.

From our original, egocentric, subjective, and individualistic point of view, true love resembles “self-suicide,” except that our personal observer remains and observes as the egocentric and individualistic self disappears and dissolves into the desires, needs, and viewpoints of others with the single aim of sensing and fulfilling the desires of others.

True love is when the “lover” exists only to feel and serve the “beloved” without any egocentric or subjective bias or distortion.

In true love, the “lover” feels existing, being only when one has the ability to give, serve, support, and love others.

In true love even fulfilling one’s natural necessities for existence is a chore as one doesn’t even want to waste one’s time and effort on serving oneself.

Thus, when true love becomes mutual, and one’s necessities are most optimally fulfilled by the others, even thinking about and caring for one’s basic and natural necessities ceases, and the person becomes completely free to feel and serve only others.

We can’t comprehend or even approach the notion and practice of true love as long as we exist in our inherent nature.

Only when — after a gradual and purposeful preparation — we start to generate a true need and desire for the state of true love can we gradually move closer to that state.

Even this, getting closer to true love needs egocentric and selfish aspirations so we can actually move closer to such a “supernatural” — above inherent nature — state. We need to imagine and expect clear benefits we want to receive as a result of being able to provide true love.

We can imagine pleasures that are quantitatively much higher and tastier than any pleasures in this world we receive through selfish reception.

True love would make us compatible and integrated with nature’s system, opening up nature’s unlimited treasure chest with all possible blueprints and solutions to any possible problems and scenarios.

Through true love, we can become partners with nature in creating and nurturing love on all levels of the natural system.

We can imagine that through true love, we rise above all our present, inherently egocentric and subjective limitations of time and space, tangible and practically sensing our life beyond physical life or death.

These expected pleasures and rewards can “trick” our ego to allow us to continue making efforts in preparing for the “ego suicide“ necessary for true love.

With the right efforts and in the right environment, we can reach a unique boundary, still with the agreement of the ego.

Around that boundary, a completely new sensation and desire awakens when we don’t hope for any rewards or benefits for ourselves, but we want to acquire true love for the sake of the notion and quality of “love” itself.

This means that by acquiring true love, we become similar to nature’s single, all-encompassing “loving” force that creates and nurtures life.

And we want to become similar to this single force in order to understand and justify this single force as purely good and benevolent. This becomes our primary goal and intention for achieving true love.

When all rewards and self-benefit are forsaken in such a manner, shifting completely to a totally selfless and unconditionally serving pathway and intention, the selfish ego in us mounts a mighty last stand and resistance.

But if we approach this boundary between self-love and totally selfless true love in the right environment, through totally committed mutual effort and mutually complementing cooperation, this collective momentum and effort can take us over this boundary.

This transition is like going through a dark, lifeless vacuum as we let go of all desires and thoughts that are connected to our original self; we seemingly cut any anchors that still connect our “purified observer” to our original, self-centered, subjective and individualistic being, until we feel like being born again into the quality of true love, existing through the desires, thoughts, and viewpoints of others.

In this new “realm,” life is completely opposite to the life we experienced before. We feel ourselves existing, growing, and developing with any thought, desire, action, and intention that aims to serve and love others.

When we keep giving, supporting, embracing, and loving others, we feel previously unfelt, all-permeating, and extremely powerful energy flowing through us, enlivening us and enlivening everybody we connect to and touch.

Although we still exist in our original physical bodies and in this physical world, these physical sensations fade into the background as secondary, and we see our physical life as a movie where everything happens according to a preordained script.

But where our true existence and focus is in the new realm, where everything is governed and guided by totally selfless and unconditional bestowal and love.

In this new realm — which we build together with others who also committed to this new “lifestyle” and also made the breakthrough across their own boundaries between the inherently selfish and egocentric existence and the new, totally selfless and altruistic existence — we tangibly and practically see, feel and taste nature’s singular life-creating and life-nurturing force that can now use us as its partners and as its transition and pipeline to projects its enlivening and enlightening energy to the whole system.

This is when we can recognize, research, measure, verify, and justify this force as the single, all-encompassing force of reality that is purely good and does good to everything and everyone.

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Zsolt Hermann

I am a Hungarian-born Orthopedic surgeon presently living in New Zealand, with a profound interest in how mutually integrated living systems work.