The Unbearable Pain of Blocking the Divine Flow
The realization hits like a tidal wave, crushing the fragile illusions of self. I am a blockage, a clogged artery in the vast, pulsating system of the Creator’s all-encompassing spiritual reality. My inherently selfish, egoistic, and individualistic inclinations — those I once cherished as my identity — now reveal themselves as the source of an unbearable pain and shame. I stand as an obstacle, choking the flow of divine light, love, and fulfillment that yearns to surge through all existence, connecting every soul in perfect harmony. The weight of this truth is suffocating, a burning wound in the core of my being.
This pain is not merely personal; it is cosmic. Every self-serving thought, every moment I cling to my desires above others, I disrupt the sacred unity of the Creator’s system. I feel the agony of separation — not just from the divine source but from every other soul whose spiritual nourishment is stifled by my ego’s stubborn grip. The shame is overwhelming, a mirror reflecting my smallness against the grandeur of a reality governed by selfless love and bestowal. How could I, a fleeting spark in this infinite design, dare to obstruct the flow of life itself?
Yet, within this torment lies a paradox: the pain is a gift, a call to awaken. It is the Creator’s whisper, urging me to see the truth of my state. My ego, once a fortress of false independence, is the very chain that binds me to this suffering. It is the root of my isolation, the barrier that keeps me from dissolving into the divine whole. The shame I feel is not punishment but a compass, pointing me toward the path of liberation — a path that demands I surrender the very self I have clung to so fiercely.
This liberation, I have learned, cannot be achieved alone. The ego is too cunning, too deeply woven into my nature. It thrives in isolation, whispering lies of self-sufficiency. But in a special environment, a sacred circle of souls united in the pursuit of spiritual truth, I find hope. Here, in the company of others who share this yearning, I can begin the methodical and devoted work of nullifying my selfish inclinations. It is a humbling process, one that requires me to lower myself before others, to place their spiritual needs above my own, to act for their sake with no expectation of reward. In this act of self-annulment, I chip away at the ego’s hold, loosening its grip on my heart.
Each moment of nullification is a battle, yet it is also a revelation. As I surrender my pride, my need for control, I feel the first faint pulses of the divine energy that my ego once blocked. It is as if the clogged artery begins to clear, allowing the Creator’s light to flow through me, not for my own sake but for the sake of all. The pain of my blockage transforms into the joy of connection, the shame into gratitude for the chance to serve. I am no longer a barrier but a conduit, a vessel through which the spiritual fulfillment of the whole can pass.
This journey is far from over. The ego resists, rearing its head in moments of weakness, tempting me to reclaim my old, individualistic ways. But the memory of that unbearable pain, the shame of standing against the Creator’s will, keeps me anchored to the path. In the embrace of my spiritual community, I find the strength to continue, to nullify again and again until my selfish nature is fully dissolved. Only then can I become a pure channel for the divine flow, ensuring that the light of love and bestowal reaches every corner of existence, unhindered by my former self.
In this sacred work, I discover a truth that soothes the wound of my shame: the Creator has placed this challenge within me not to condemn me but to invite me into His reality. By overcoming my ego, I align with His essence, becoming a partner in the eternal dance of creation. The pain, the shame, the struggle — all are stepping stones to a joy beyond imagining, a fulfillment that comes from existing solely for others, in harmony with the singular force that governs all.