The Path to Spiritual Desire
“…Instead, one must exert until he feels the lack of the desire to bestow. To the extent that he feels that deficiency he can pray to the Creator to help him, to give him that Kli, that all his concerns will be only that he lacks this force called ‘desire to bestow.’ To the extent that he is far from that Kli he should regret and ask for the Creator’s mercy, that He will deliver him and give him that desire. Moreover, we can say that one should ask the Creator to give him that deficiency, meaning to feel that he is devoid of the desire to bestow, and that this is all that is stopping him from achieving spirituality, since that deficiency does not come by itself. It therefore follows that the Creator should give man both the Kli and the light. By this we can interpret the verse, ‘You have fashioned me from behind and from before.’ ‘From behind’ means the Kli; ‘from before’ means the anterior, which is the filling. It turns out that the light, as well as the Kli all come from Him…”
(We Should Always Discern between Torah and Work, Rabash)
The Nature of Desire in Human Existence
At the core of our existence lies an insatiable and ever-growing desire for fulfillment. We experience life through the constant awakening of desires and needs — ranging from basic urges like hunger and reproduction to complex aspirations for respect, power, and knowledge. These empty, hungry desires drive us to seek their fulfillment, giving us a sense of life itself. Without them, we would not feel alive; in fact, we would cease to exist as active beings.
When a new desire for spirituality emerges within us, it initially feels vague and unfamiliar. Unlike our usual desires, this spark pulls us toward a realm we cannot yet fully comprehend. However, this desire, like all others, is initially tainted by our inherent selfish, egoistic, and individualistic intentions. We instinctively want spirituality for ourselves, to possess it as we do other pleasures. This selfish intention is so deeply ingrained that we are unaware of it, as it shapes every thought, decision, and action. It is the only mode of operation we know, programmed into our very nature.
Awakening to a New Intention
The pursuit of spirituality leads some to the empirical science of Kabbalah, a method that reveals the need for a profound transformation. To enter spiritual existence and perceive its reality, one must acquire a new intention: a pure, selfless, unconditionally loving, and bestowing attitude toward all actions. This intention aligns with the laws of spiritual reality and its singular creating and governing force. While we may intellectually acknowledge this requirement, most initially believe they can achieve this shift through their own efforts.
In truth, we remain unaware of how deeply our egoistic intentions permeate every aspect of our being. It is only through joining a unique, mutually committed spiritual group that we begin to uncover the extent of our ego’s dominance. In this group, we strive to adopt godly intentions of selfless love and bestowal toward others, serving and supporting them as instinctively as we serve ourselves. This effort provokes the ego, which fears losing control and resists our collective goal, revealing its pervasive influence.
Confronting the Ego
Within the spiritual group, guided by the scientific method of Kabbalah, we learn that overcoming the ego requires constant effort to act against our natural inclinations. We must force ourselves to accept, think, and do things that feel deeply undesirable, going against our egoistic and subjective viewpoints. This is not something an individual can achieve alone. Only through mutual aspiration, positive examples, and the unique natural forces drawn through committed efforts does this transformation become possible.
This process feels like a relentless uphill battle, akin to climbing a steep, hostile mountain against a fierce wind. Conditions grow increasingly challenging, provoking the ego’s resistance. By intentionally opposing the ego’s demands, we gradually recognize its control, which often disguises itself as benevolent or altruistic motives. Through persistent mutual efforts and external support from natural developing forces, we begin to exhaust the ego’s power and influence.
The State of Despair
Eventually, this struggle leads to a state of total exhaustion and despair. As the ego’s control wanes, so do the foundations, inspiration, and motivation it once provided. We realize that our pursuit of spirituality, despite our efforts, was still driven by selfish intentions. This initial despair is egoistic — we lament our inability to attain spirituality for ourselves, to connect with the Creator for our own sake. This “life or death” regret is still rooted in self-interest and does not reflect a true spiritual deficiency.
However, with unwavering mutual support and adherence to the spiritual method, a deeper recognition emerges. We come to regret not our failure to attain spirituality, but our complete lack of a true, authentic desire for it. We see that we cannot generate a selfless, unconditionally loving, and bestowing intention on our own, nor do we naturally yearn for such an intention, as it contradicts our inherent nature.
Turning to the Creator
This realization marks a pivotal shift. We understand that even the desire for a selfless intention must come from the Creator. We must pray not only for the right intention but also for the deficiency itself — the yearning to resemble the Creator’s qualities of bestowal and love. This prayer seeks a desire to serve the Creator faithfully, fulfilling our role in creation for the sake of others and the entire reality, free from self-interest. Only then can we aspire to connect all of existence to the singular benevolent force of reality.
In corporeal life, desires arise automatically, driving us to seek selfish pleasures. In spirituality, we must actively work and pray to acquire the right deficiency, a spiritual need that aligns with the Creator’s qualities. This new desire fuels our efforts to become loyal servants of the Creator, working solely to fulfill His plan of creation without seeking personal reward.
The Reward of Service
When we finally receive this spiritual desire from the Creator, the work itself becomes its own reward. No longer driven by coercion or struggle, we are motivated by a pure, selfless aspiration to serve. The labor ceases to feel burdensome, as it aligns with the Creator’s will. In this state, we find fulfillment in connecting all of reality to its singular life source, acting as conduits of the Creator’s benevolence, with no desire for personal gain.
This transformation reveals that both the vessel (Kli) and the light — the desire and its fulfillment — come from the Creator. As the verse states, “You have fashioned me from behind and from before,” the Creator provides both the deficiency and its realization, guiding us to embody His qualities and fulfill our purpose in creation.