Spiritual Existence
To embark on the journey to spiritual existence, one must first arrive at an overwhelming realization: the reality we inhabit, governed entirely by our selfish ego, is intolerable. This ego, relentless in its pursuit of self-serving desires, inflicts harm on everyone, including ourselves. Only when this truth becomes so revolting, so unbearable, can we awaken a profound yearning — a desperate, irrepressible need to escape this destructive cycle. This yearning propels us to utter an honest, unconditional prayer, asking to be freed from the chains of our desires, thoughts, and viewpoints. We ask for nothing less than the strength to leave behind everything that ties us to our original, self-centered identity.
This is no ordinary prayer. It is a plea to the single, all-encompassing governing force of reality to liberate a new self within us — a selfless, objective, and non-physical observer. This observer, untainted by the ego’s corruption, becomes the foundation of a new way of being. It is only through this transparent, impartial perspective that we can make truly free choices and begin to explore reality as it truly is, unclouded by personal agendas.
In this transformative state, known as Hafetz Hesed — a state of absolute neutrality — we become entirely detached from our original ego. We no longer belong to anything, possess nothing, and exist in a realm of unparalleled freedom. Even our physical existence feels distant, like an attachment to be cared for but never indulged beyond its basic needs. This detachment allows the observer within us to see clearly, to finally recognize the ego for what it truly is: a destructive, insatiable force responsible for harm and division. This realization brings with it a deep, visceral fear — a fear of falling back into the ego’s grip, of losing this newfound freedom.
It is this fear that drives the observer to cling to the single governing force of reality, the only power capable of keeping it suspended above the ego’s clutches. In this state of Smallness (Katnut), the observer chooses to remain in purity, not seeking anything for himself. It is a fragile but essential stage in the spiritual journey, where the primary goal is to avoid causing harm and to remain detached from the selfish desires of the ego.
Yet, as liberating as this state of Smallness is, it is not the end. It is merely the beginning of a profound internal struggle and a deeper yearning. While refraining from harm aligns the observer partially with the infinite mercy of the governing force, this state lacks the fullness of true spiritual existence. To reach higher, the observer must learn the essence of true love: the selfless and unconditional fulfillment of others’ desires exactly as they wish to be fulfilled.
In this state of suspended existence, the observer feels both awe and shame. Awe at the mercy of the governing force, which holds it aloft, and shame for its inability to match that mercy with its own actions. The observer senses the infinite love that flows through the system of reality but knows it cannot yet fully receive or reciprocate this love without falling back into the ego’s selfish grasp. This dual awareness — the terror of regression and the longing for greater connection — fuels the observer’s resolve. It is a state of constant nullification of the ego, a ceaseless plea for the governing force to sustain this delicate balance.
Over time, a new understanding begins to unfold. The observer realizes that it is not enough to simply refrain from taking; it must actively participate in the system of reality. But how can one, so fearful of selfishness, begin to receive without succumbing to the ego? The answer lies in the desires of others. By immersing oneself in the thoughts, needs, and wishes of others — entering their inner world with the same care as stepping into still waters — the observer discovers a new way to exist. In this selfless immersion, the desires of others become indistinguishable from one’s own, and a profound transformation occurs.
At this stage, the observer becomes a pure and transparent vessel, a heart-like pump or piston through which the infinite resources and pleasures of reality can flow. This is not for personal gain but for the benefit of others and the system as a whole. By allowing the governing force’s mercy to flow through it, the observer becomes a conduit of true love and bestowal. This is not a passive state but an active, dynamic engagement with reality — a complete surrender of the self to serve the greater good.
In this ultimate state of love and bestowal, the observer attains total similarity with the single governing force of reality. It becomes a partner in the endless cycle of creation, sustaining and nurturing life in perfect harmony with the system. This unity is the pinnacle of spiritual existence, where one transcends the ego entirely and embraces the infinite love and mercy that define reality.
Through this journey — from the despair of egoistic existence to the exaltation of spiritual freedom — we discover the true essence of life. It is not in taking but in giving, not in serving oneself but in serving others. And in doing so, we fulfill our highest purpose: to become one with the loving, bestowing force that governs all of existence.