Not Having the True Desire
Our human purpose is to align with reality’s singular, creative force — a force defined by pure, selfless, and unconditional love and bestowal. To fulfill this purpose, we must embody these divine qualities, becoming vessels of boundless generosity and compassion. Yet, this pursuit is profoundly challenging, as these qualities are the antithesis of our inherent nature, which is selfish, egoistic, individualistic, and exploitative.
Even within the sacred space of a spiritual group — where mutual support, commitment, and shared purpose foster growth — the path is arduous. We may dedicate ourselves to this goal, studying and striving together, but it takes years, sometimes decades, to grasp a sobering truth: achieving our purpose requires completely relinquishing the egoistic self. This means sacrificing every attachment, calculation, and desire tied to our original, self-centered identity — a surrender that feels like annihilation.
The challenge deepens when we confront a more shocking realization: deep within, we lack the authentic desire for this transformation. Trapped within the ego’s confines, we cannot muster the will to yearn for its total subjugation. The ego, like a cunning Pharaoh, keeps us loyal, subtly convincing us to remain in the familiar comfort of our personal “Egypt.” We stand at the edge of spirituality, seemingly one step from crossing into divine reality, yet we hesitate, retreat, or stumble. Worse, these failures do not spark genuine despair or an urgent outcry. The ego, content with the status quo, whispers that we are fine as we are, tethered to its desires and calculations.
This reluctance stems from the unimaginable leap required to abandon our egoistic perception for a spiritual existence. The transition is so radical that many traditions liken it to physical death, asserting that only through such a passage can we enter the Creator’s reality. Yet, the Wisdom of Kabbalah offers a profound alternative: this transformation is possible within our lifetime, through our biological bodies. The change is internal, rooted in shifting our intentions from egoistic to altruistic. With the Creator’s assistance, we can redirect our desires toward selfless love and service.
To receive this divine help, we must cultivate a true, burning need — a heartfelt plea to become independent of the ego and serve the Creator unconditionally through loving others. This requires a humbling recognition: by default, we lack this desire. Despite years of effort, study, and sacrifice within the spiritual group, we may still not feel genuine pain or longing for the Creator’s reality. The ego offers bribes — worldly comforts, distractions, and fleeting pleasures — that soothe us and dull our spiritual hunger. As long as we remain within the ego’s sphere, we cannot honestly pray for self-nullification or surrender fully to the Creator’s will.
Here, the spiritual group becomes our lifeline. Through extraordinary mutual support, we can elevate the Creator’s greatness and the allure of His qualities. Together, we can make the spiritual goal so radiant and desirable that we become willing to sacrifice everything to attain it. Yet, even this collective effort falls short without divine intervention. We need the Creator to grant us a new desire — a yearning to exist beyond self-interest that we cannot generate alone.
This “prayer before prayer” is terrifying. We hesitate to voice it, fearing the Creator might answer, flooding us with an irrepressible longing to forsake our ego entirely. We cling to cherished desires and possessions, unable to place ourselves fully on the Creator’s operating table, trusting Him to reshape us as He sees fit. Without faith in the Creator’s existence, His plan, and His ability to transform us, we remain stuck, tethered to egoistic calculations.
The group’s role is critical. Through relentless, devoted collaboration, we can reach a breaking point where attaining spiritual perception — and through it, the revelation of the Creator — becomes a matter of life and death. This urgency is amplified when we feel our responsibility to others and the entire system of reality. The group also helps us face a desperate truth: on our own, we will never muster the courage to consent to the Creator’s transformative surgery of heart and mind.
At this collective low point, supported by one another, we can tentatively offer a prayer — not for ourselves, but for the strength to become like the Creator. We ask for a desire we have never known: a fierce, intolerable need to embody His selfless, unconditional love. When this plea is sincere, the Creator responds, granting us a second nature — wholly opposite to our original egoistic self. This new desire compels us to sacrifice everything tied to the ego, paving the way for spiritual perception.
Only after this divine operation, when we achieve a degree of similarity to the Creator, do we sense our place within the spiritual system. We stand in awe before the Creator’s infinite love and bestowal, and a “primordial spiritual shame” emerges from the vast chasm between our fledgling capacity for selfless love and the boundless generosity we perceive from the Creator. Simultaneously, a spiritual fear takes root — an overwhelming reverence for the Creator’s omnipotence, coupled with a trembling dread that our ever-present ego might sever our connection to the spiritual reality, dragging us back into the selfish Matrix of self-concern.
This shame and fear fuel our efforts within the spiritual group. We intensify our mutual support, pledging to serve one another selflessly while forgetting ourselves entirely. Each member commits to uplifting the others, creating a cycle of unconditional love and bestowal. This collective devotion obliges the Creator to deepen His support, cloaking our resisting ego with His divine qualities. Over time, these qualities — pure, selfless love and bestowal — grow stronger, neutralizing the ego’s influence and even harnessing its energy for spiritual growth.
The path is long, fraught with setbacks and revelations, but it is the most profound pursuit a human can undertake. Through the group’s unwavering support, the Creator’s transformative power, and our relentless pursuit of self-nullification, we draw closer to embodying the divine qualities of love and bestowal. In doing so, we fulfill our human purpose: to become one with the singular, creative force of reality, serving the Creator and His creation with every fiber of our being.