Learning to love each other more than a mother loves her baby

Zsolt Hermann
4 min readMay 7, 2020

The unconditional love of the mother

The classical mother’s love towards her baby is the purest example we can find for unconditional love - when the “beloved” is more important than the “lover” and the mother tries to fulfill the needs of the baby as perfectly as possible, even at her own expense, while she seemingly forces about her own existence, not feeling hunger, tiredness, sickness as long as the baby requires care.

There is a millennia long principle which describes this kind of unconditional love - “love your neighbor as yourself” - which most religions, spiritual teachings accepted into their curriculum, but what Humanity has never been able to implement in practice.

And there is a good reason for this.

Born with self-love

We are born with an inherent operating program which makes us capable of loving, serving only ourselves. Our whole consciousness, perception of reality is egocentric, individualistic, subjective.

Each of us lives in one’s own world, only “venturing out” to serve this introverted, personal survival. In truth even the classical mother’s love is part of this instinctive program, driven by natural instincts as the mother feels her baby as her own part to facilitate the continuation of the species like in the case of other mammals.

This is neither evil, nor sinful, this is part of our unique Human makeup, survival reflex which drives us to survive even at the expense of others. We are different from other parts of Nature but it is purposeful from evolution, it is not our “fault”.

Today this inherently self-serving, self-justifying existence has reached such a level that even motherhood, the classical family lost its original form, meaning, function, today women are openly encouraged to give up having children completely, while mothers who care for their children as a full-time occupation are looked down upon.

So the logical answer to your question is no, Humans would never be able to come to love each other like a mother loves her baby.

Obligated to “love”

But we have to, we don’t even have a free choice about this!

Contrary to our proud, egocentric, individualistic beliefs we are not independent, disconnected, standalone beings. We are all fully integrated, dependent on each other, locked into a single, all-encompassing Humanity that is embedded, integrated into Nature’s integral, interdependent system.

We have been talking about global interconnections, Global Village without actually feeling, comprehending what it meant. Now the epidemic showed us very sharply what it means to be locked into a single, global system, being dependent on one another, being obliged to be responsible for each other.

This is a very unpleasant revelation from our inherently egotistic, individualistic point of view, and with our basic instincts, reflexes we try to deny it, ignore it, do everything in our power against integrating, connecting.

We don’t have a choice as Nature’s evolution that drives the whole system towards integration will not relent. If we don’t learn the lessons from the Coronavirus, we will face stronger, greater crisis situations, each pointing out our inevitable interdependence and the necessity of mutual responsibility, mutually complementing cooperation, until we start to adapt ourselves as a result of intolerable suffering.

Learning to “love” from Nature

Thus if we want to go about this wisely and prevent such path of suffering, we will have to learn how to “love” each other above, and against our inherent instincts. The “love” we need has nothing to do with the “hormonal” love, infatuation we usually dream, sing, write poems about.

We need to learn to “love” as Nature loves, how all elements, parts of the Natural system complement each other, fulfill the need of the collective above selfish, individualistic calculations. Only this way can the crucial balance and homeostasis life depends on be sustained. If the cells, organs in our own body didn’t “love” each other, we would become sick and die shortly after.

So we all have to go through a unique, purposeful, practical educational method - starting in small, manageable, closed, mutually committed, mutually supportive environments - in order to learn how to build the mutually responsible, mutually complementing, selfless connections, above and against the resistance of the inherently selfish, individualistic ego.

The special, perfect, “truly Human” duality

And this contrast, duality, tension between the methodically built love and instinctive egotistic resistance is very important!

This will differentiate us, Human beings from all the other elements of Nature that instinctively integrate into Nature’s “loving” system. The mutual, natural “love” we will build is superior to the mother’s love, as this is fully conscious, against egotistic instincts.

As a result when we integrate with each other through this “natural love” we acquire above, against our instincts, and thus we also integrate into Nature’s system becoming compatible with it, we will retain a unique, Human observer ability, achieving an objective, systematic insider viewpoint within the system, in contrast to the original egotistic, individualistic, subjective one.

It is this contrast, the “methodically acquired love above instinctive hate” that raises us to the truly Human level, giving us total attainment of Nature’s system, the ability to comprehend and justify Nature’s magnificent perfection and by that justify our own Human existence.



Zsolt Hermann

I am a Hungarian-born Orthopedic surgeon presently living in New Zealand, with a profound interest in how mutually integrated living systems work.