Joy from Fear: The Path to Spiritual Attainment
The journey toward spiritual attainment begins with a profound recognition: fearing our own egoistic nature, which threatens to disrupt our spiritual path, is the first significant step forward. This fear is not a mere emotion but a transformative force that paves the way for a deeper connection with the Creator. When I feel discontent within myself, I distance myself from the Creator, perceiving Him as separate from my struggles. Conversely, when I experience joy and contentment, I can justify the Creator as the singular, benevolent governing force of reality. Yet, true spiritual growth demands more than fleeting moments of justification — it requires the ability to remain content and aligned with the Creator regardless of my internal states.
The Role of Fear in Spiritual Progress
To achieve this unwavering connection, I must develop a unique, selfless “expert observer” — a perspective capable of researching and experiencing reality independently of my ego. This necessitates a growing dissociation from the ego and its pervasive control over my thoughts and actions. Recognizing the ego’s harmful and negative impact on my spiritual progress is crucial. I begin to fear that this egoistic nature could not only harm me but also others on the spiritual path, marking an essential step toward the right direction.
Fear becomes the foundation of a proper relationship with the Creator. It drives me to constantly adjust myself, striving to mirror His absolutely altruistic, selflessly loving, and bestowing qualities in a reciprocal manner. When I humbly accept that my inherent nature — created by the Creator — behaves like a cancer, consuming and destroying everything in its path, a true spiritual fear emerges. I dread that I might fail to attain the quality of bestowal, awakening an intense need to embody love and bestowal akin to the Creator’s. This yearning stems from a desire to serve and justify Him, aligning myself with His benevolent essence.
From Shame to Fear to Faith
The process begins with an earnest desire to love and serve others with all my might. As I pour effort into this goal, I provoke and uncover the stark reality of my inherent nature — one that is wholly opposite to the Creator’s. I realize how enslaved I am to the ego, serving its demands in everything I do. From this revelation, shame arises — the deep discomfort of existing and behaving in complete opposition to the Creator’s qualities. This shame precedes fear, amplifying my awareness of the gulf between my current state and the divine ideal.
Fear, born from below through my efforts, becomes the entrance to the Creator. It compels me to fully acknowledge my original nature and the harm it inflicts on myself and others. I see how this nature disconnects me from true love — sensed only through the “godly qualities” of selfless love and bestowal — which forms the foundation of a mutual connection network, akin to a living organism. As I cultivate this fear, “faith” — the divine quality of altruistic love and bestowal — is granted from above, completing the transformation initiated by my efforts.
The Stages of Fear and Bestowal
Fear first leads to a state known as “bestowal in order to bestow.” In this phase, I learn to neutralize my egoistic tendencies, refraining from causing harm to others. Only after mastering this state — acting in front of the ego rather than under its sway — can I begin to learn the art of true, altruistic love. This involves selflessly feeling, accepting, and fulfilling the desires of others exactly as they wish, a process that unfolds only when I have gained independence from my ego’s dominion.
As I come to know the strength and destructiveness of my ego, a constant fear develops — not of personal loss, but of the ego corrupting my relationships with others and the Creator. Initially, this fear is egoistic, rooted in the dread that I might lose something due to the ego’s influence. However, it must evolve into a truly spiritual fear, free of personal or subjective calculations. In this higher state, my fear is not about my own condition; I no longer worry about losing out. Instead, I fear causing harm to others or disappointing the Creator, who tirelessly draws me closer to Him.
The Kabbalistic Ideal and Spiritual Fear
To navigate this journey, I must develop an ideal within a unique Kabbalistic group — a collective striving to project a perfect state of a living organism in which we all function as healthy cells. This ideal serves as a benchmark against which I measure myself, constantly verifying whether I have become an optimal, healthy cell or remain under the ego’s control. The corporeal fear of losing out on spirituality or facing punishment from reality’s single governing force transforms into spiritual fear as my goal shifts. I no longer seek personal gain; my sole aim becomes justifying the Creator as the benevolent force governing reality, a task that requires me to become similar to Him and find total joy and contentment in His perfect creation.
The Joy of True Spiritual Fear
True spiritual fear brings great joy, as it signifies a separation from the inherent ego. This separation grants me a degree of independence, enabling a purer and more correct approach to the Creator. Unlike egoistic fear, which fixates on self-preservation, spiritual fear focuses outward — on the potential harm I might cause and my responsibility to align with the Creator’s will. This shift marks a profound liberation, as I begin to experience reality through the lens of bestowal rather than reception.
In this state, fear and joy intertwine. The fear of falling short of the Creator’s qualities fuels my efforts, while the growing detachment from the ego fills me with contentment. By fearing my own nature and its potential to disrupt my spiritual path, I open the door to a connection with the Creator rooted in love, service, and justification of His benevolence. Thus, what begins as fear blossoms into the joy of spiritual attainment, guiding me toward a life of selfless devotion within His perfect reality.
