Finding agreement when we can’t agree

Question from the Internet:

“If two opposing sides are fighting for control and have reached an impasse where an amicable agreement is impossible, what options remain to bring a return to peace and order?”

The most important to understand is that we will never, ever become, and to reach an amicable agreement between opposing sides.

There is a saying, that when one won an argument, one just made an enemy.

We are born with a proud, fiercely egocentric, individualistic nature that simply can’t accept losing an argument, making compromises.

Our present, fragile, temporary agreements, compromises stand only as long as both sides benefit from it, and it is usually in order to work, fight together against a common enemy.

In order to create peace, build sustainable, stable connections, societies we need to, first of all, accept that we can never agree on the level of the disagreements, differences, and then we need to learn how to rise to a higher level, where we connect for the same of an all-important common goal, purpose.

In order to identify and use such higher goals, a purpose we need a very special tool, called workshop/round table discussion.

If this too is used methodically, in special conditions, circumstances, proper moderation, then each can rise above their own opinions while listening to the opinions of others. In the end, they can build a completely new, composite opinion, a solution that didn’t exist in either of them.

They will all happily accept this new opinion as it is not directly against their original opinion and they all participated in building it. It is like building a stable bridge over an angry, rapid river.

A truly win-win situation.