Falling in love with “true love”

Zsolt Hermann
10 min readSep 29, 2024

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Born with self-love

By default, with our inherently individualistic, selfish, and subjective nature, we are locked into ourselves.

Unique empirical natural scientists — who have been studying human nature and nature’s all-encompassing, mutually integrated, and interdependent system — say that we are born with inherent “self-love.”

This “self-love” means that we constantly sense and want to fulfill only our own desires.

“Love” — translated into a simple language — means feeling and fulfilling desires and needs exactly how the “owner of the desires and needs” wants.

By birth, we are programmed in a way that we can focus only on sensing and fulfilling our own desires and needs; thus, we “love” only ourselves.

We are also given a unique human ability to feel or even sympathize with others.

However, according to our original “self-loving” programming, we use this ability to feel and sympathize with others only to help our own self-fulfillment, to compare ourselves to others in order to make sure we are higher and better off than others.

Even when we “sympathize” with others, we project their state — suffering or happiness — onto ourselves and imagine how we ourselves would feel in that state.

Our instinctive “self-loving” does not allow us to fully sympathize with others and “step into their shoes.” That would require us to “exit ourselves” and acquire a unique, unprecedented, selfless, and objective observer viewpoint that we do not possess by default.

When we “love” others, we do that because this “love” also gives us a pleasant feeling, some reward, reciprocation, or selfish fulfillment.

If we do not receive a return for “loving” another, we cannot even move a finger, and then “love” disappears very quickly since this is how we are programmed by default.

Moreover, when we “love another,” we actually “love” the sense of “love” with its bittersweet emotional impressions. This is why many times it is actually very easy to switch the “object of our love,” since what we truly want is the bittersweet “loving experience” where the “object of the love” is secondary.

The opportunity to learn “true love”

While this sounds unpleasant, and many people probably reject such notions, actually, such inherent programming enables us to learn and practice “true love,” which can eventually “rip us out of ourselves” and propel us into a completely different and qualitatively much higher dimension of Human existence.

The above-mentioned unique scientist — based on their own experience and attainment — developed a special method through which we can develop a totally selfless and unconditionally serving and loving objective observer, which observer can start sensing and experiencing life outside of the inherently selfish, individualistic, and subjective cocoon we are born into.

In a purposefully and methodically assembled and conducted environment, with like-minded people — who all mutually commit to aiming at the same common goal of exiting their original limited and distorted perception of reality built on “self-love” by learning and practicing “true love of others” — we can acquire a perception of reality that can help us attain reality “as it actually is” — without any inherently selfish, egoistic and subjective bias.

These people are totally “alien” to each other, without any instinctive or “hormonal/familial” attachment or inspiration to “love.”

They agree to start practicing “true love” between them, where they make all kinds of efforts and exercises to start sensing and fulfilling each other’s desires as they would instinctively sense and fulfill their own desires.

This environment operates as a laboratory.

The participants agree to leave all their “external baggage” and the problems or pleasures of their external life outside of the assembly.

They also reduce their efforts to specific desires and needs that relate to their common goal and aspiration.

While they might try to support and help each other with their everyday physical needs and situations, the main focus and methodology concerns the specific desires and needs that can propel them towards the goal of exiting their inherent cocoons and help them enter a completely new, totally selfless and objective manner of existence.

Recognition of the ego controlling us

The moment they start this collective work towards “love of others” against inherent “self-love,” the previously mostly undetected ego starts resisting and working against their efforts.

More and more problems, disagreements, negative judgments, and criticism awaken in the members of the society against one another and against the method.

Fortunately, the method and the teachers of the method warn them from the very beginning that such a turn of events would happen.

Thus, if they follow the methodology correctly and rely on their mutual inspiration and support, the resisting ego will actually help them develop a unique “split personality.”

They give birth to an unprecedented, selfless, and objective observer who can view “oneself” from the side, detecting the differences between the actual “Human observer” in us and the ego that acts only for its own sake.

This unique, initial separation from the ego — not associating our “self” with the ego while acknowledging that the ego drives us to do everything we do — is a new birth.

This new birth creates the seed of the “truly Human” being in us that can learn and practice how to exist and behave above and against the ego.

We are emotional beings. By default, we are totally taken over and influenced by our actual emotional impressions and mood swings. We are utterly incapable of making truly “intellectual or wise” decisions because our emotional impressions and states totally overpower us.

Everything we ever do is completely determined and influenced by our egocentric and subjective emotions.

The newly born “Human observer,” even with its initially weak and “infant” ability to make distinctions between the “self” and the ego, can already make certain actions and decisions that are not influenced by the ego and the subjective emotions.

In order to develop and grow this “Human observer” and separate it from the ego, we need a stronger balancing force we can grab and attach ourselves to.

This “positive” — against the “negative influence” of the ego — balancing force is the newly developed love and mutual integration we build with others in the unique environment.

Mutually supportive environment

Building such a unique, mutually committed, and supportive environment — where the individual loses one’s individuality to the sense of the collective — is not so unique.

We see many examples of such communities or groups in our lives in sports teams, in army commandos, and crews of submarines, for example.

The difference lies in what such groups try to achieve and what their intention and motivations are.

In our world, such close-knit and mutually integrated groups have some “this-worldly,” overall egoistic aim to improve their lives or the lives of their loved ones, to win trophies or kill others during conflicts.

All these aims and motivations are still within the scope of instinctive “self-love,” expressed in many different ways.

The aim of this unique environment through mutual integration and mutually complementing cooperation is against the instinctive “self-love” to learn and practice “true and totally selfless and unconditional love” in order to enter a new, qualitatively higher dimension of perception and existence.

Even this goal and aspiration contains in it selfish calculations.

Initially, this environment also wants to reach that “higher dimension” because it promises something enticing we can’t attain with our inherent programming.

This is a unique process where people want to achieve a state of total self-annulment and unconditional service to others — while still hoping for some reward or self-benefit from such action.

This is because by our own forces — even when we mutually support each other — we simply can’t totally disconnect from our inherently self-serving, self-justifying, and egocentric calculations and actions.

“Help from above”

In order to reach that truly selfless and unconditionally serving state, in order to embrace “true love” where the ego does not play any part, we have to go through a unique turning point that requires special assistance.

We have to awaken forces and abilities in us — around us — that we were not aware of before and that we could not use before.

We need to awaken or acquire the ability to exist and act outside of our inherently egotistic, selfish, and individualistic sphere, to be able to act solely for the sake of others, to “truly love” others above and against instinctively only “loving and serving” ourselves.

This is an ability only reality’s single evolutionary governing force can awaken or switch on in us.

This single force — that creates, nurtures, and governs all life and development in reality — is characterized — according to the above-mentioned scientists — by the qualities of totally selfless and unconditional love and service of “others.”

The whole Universe — from the smallest particles to vast galaxies, including the cells of our own biological bodies — is enlivened and permeated by these “godly qualities” so existence and positive development would become possible.

It is this unique and singular force that provides the necessary assistance for us to exist against and above our egos — when we truly want it and make 100% effort for it. It is this absolute need and maximum effort we generate and implement in the above-mentioned unique environment.

Our Human purpose in life is to start sensing, attaining and partnering this single life-creating and governing force by becoming similar to it.

Falling in love with “true love” with the unique help of the selfish ego

This is why the mutually committed and mutually supportive members of the methodically organized and conducted environment try to achieve “love of others” above and against instinctive “self-love,” so against the original self-centered, individualistic, and subjective sensations and perception of reality, they could start sensing and attaining that singular “loving” force by virtue of becoming similar with it.

They use each other as their “object of love” so they can learn and practice the desired selfless and unconditional love towards each other while gradually disconnecting from their egos through the incrementally growing force of the mutual “love of others” they generate between them.

However, as it happens in our “this worldly love” when we fall in love with the notion of “love” itself, as these people practice “love of others” towards each other, they also start to sense and “fall in love” with the new “true love” they start to practice and feel above and against their original “self-love.”

This “true love” they fall in love with — as they themselves become able to selflessly and unconditionally love one another — is a completely new feeling and emotion they have never felt before. This is not the usual selfish “bittersweet” emotion and taste we feel when we “love” another in this world.

This “true love” is capable of ripping us out of the grips of the inherent ego; it can push and wash us out of our egoistic, individualistic and subjective self like a “love tsunami.”

Through this “true love,” we can really enter the desires, needs, and viewpoints of others, feeling the myriads of different emotions, pains, and pleasures that exist in reality, while we also become able to experience and perceive reality through the viewpoints of others — and all of this we can do without any inherently egocentric, subjective or exploitative bias.

This provides us with a completely new, unbounded, and infinite perception of reality and life experience.

As we become able to sense and fulfill the desires and needs of others — without even thinking about ourselves — all available pleasures, energy, and resources in reality flow through us to others. Although we do not gasp or hold onto anything for ourselves, we receive unique, unlimited, and timeless pleasures from whatever is streaming through us toward others.

On the other hand, it also becomes very sharply clear that this sensation, this sense of existence, lasts and is sustained only to the extent and until we can keep purely selfless and unconditionally serving intentions.

The moment we let our never-resting egoistic side draw pleasures and fulfillment for its own sake, the moment the unique Human observer loses its independence from the ego, the whole unique “truly loving state” with its limitless and timeless pleasures disappears.

At the same time, these inevitable — since we have to gradually reveal the full extent of our ego and also learn how to harness it and act independently of it — falls and “failures” — due to our ever-increasing selfish and egoistic inclination in us- also help us to become stronger and more persistent in our work to generate and keep “true love” between us so we can attach ourselves to the source of this “true love.”

Without such constant dynamic development between the growing egoistic influence and the ever-strengthening mutual love we generate between us, we could never provoke and reveal the full depth of our egoistic desires and reveal and attain “true love” to its maximum extent in contrast.

The more the ego disturbs us, the more we start to fear and dislike the negative influence of the ego that disconnects us from each other and our “loving source.”

At this stage, we start associating “life” with being connected to reality’s single governing force through our similarity with this absolutely loving and bestowing force, and we start associating “death” or the lack of life with being detached from this single “loving force” due to losing our similarity with it.

As we go through these ups and downs, attachment and detachment in ever-deeper and more and more intense manner, we start to discern the vast and contrasting difference between existing only for our own sake through “self-love” and existing solely for the sake of others through “true love of others.”

One gives us the taste of “lack of life” or death, being buried alive into our own egotistic and selfish cocoons; the other gives us the sense of true life when we feel life streaming through us to others as long as we can practice “true love of others.”

As a result, we fall in love with “true love” more and more until we become ready to totally annul ourselves and subjugate ourselves to the source of “true love” as a moth flying towards the light.

Only the ever-present contrast and resistance of the ego — as a unique “help against” — prevent the total disappearance and dissolution into that “light of true love,” so it does not fully consume those who attach to it and partner it.

This is how we can become and remain independent but unconditionally attached partners with reality’s single governing force through “true love.”

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Zsolt Hermann

I am a Hungarian-born Orthopedic surgeon presently living in New Zealand, with a profound interest in how mutually integrated living systems work.