Am I acting, or I am acted upon?!

Zsolt Hermann
8 min readJun 5, 2020

Searching for Purpose

Cataclysmic events like the Covid-19 pandemic pull us out of our usual routine, comfort zone, raising uncomfortable questions about our lives.

It is even more so when the habitual “rat-race”, the previously taken-for-granted access to our usual pleasures, activities, services is disrupted, and we are forced into the unique “rehab” we all had to go through during quarantine — and probably will have to continue due to the evolving crisis.

Such changes inevitably raise questions about the meaning, purpose in life. After all most of us defined this meaning, purpose through the usual instinctive and social desires of food, sex, family, wealth, power, fame, and knowledge. Now that we can’t that easily obtain fulfillment for these desires we are confused, angry, restless, we want to blame others — in short, we have no idea what to do!

What will make, motivate us to get out of bed, to continue searching for jobs, work, make connections?! What hoped for pleasures can pull us forward, entice us to continue?! Are we all condemned to dumb ourselves with different substances or completely giving ourselves over to the usual, brainless “circus and bread entertainment” that is on offer?!

We have a predetermined Purpose

Fortunately, we have a very clear, unique, predetermined purpose according to Nature’s plan of Evolution.

This plan is relentlessly driving the whole Natural system towards a perfect, final integration, where all the myriads of diverse, seemingly incompatible elements — including Human beings — become a single, living system with a very unique singular “collective consciousness”.

This is not some science fiction plot, mysticism, philosophy, or utopia. We are already existing in the perfect state but we are unable to sense it, attain it, comprehend it as we are not fully prepared, tuned to it yet.

After all, according to Nature’s plan, it is us, Human beings who will have to make up that singular “collective intelligence” as the only elements, living creatures in the system with the ability for independent consciousness and free choice!

But in order to become capable of such a unique role, being able to independently research, attain and justify Nature’s system as perfect — as the plan expects us — we need to develop a very unique duality.

The unique Human Duality

On one hand, we need to be independent of the system, so we could observe it objectively, as if from the side. On the other hand, we need to be integrated into the system, otherwise, we would never be able to truly research it, understand it, feel it, flow with it. Thus our research would remain as superficial, limited, and distorted as it is now.

This is why Humans by default are born with a nature, “program” that is opposite to Nature’s system. We are born egocentric, individualistic, and subjective. We act only for our own sake at the expense of others. This is in complete contrast to Nature’s system that is selfless, altruistic, and where each and every element operates only for the sake of the whole collective, above and many times at the expense of individual survival.

From this inherent opposition, contradiction we would need to consciously, methodically achieve the necessary integration with Nature’s system so we attain the second half of the coin, that would enable us to fulfill our unique, Human objective observer, witness role.

The Method of Integration above, against Ourselves

This requires an unprecedented, purposeful, and highly practical educational method.

In order to fulfill our role, our inherent nature can’t be suppressed or erased as we already understood from history. The more we try to suppress, go against our egos the more it grows and performs vengeance on us. We can observe it from such simple examples as trying to go on diets, heal addictions, or trying to suppress people like in Communism. In the end, all lead to explosions.

So we need to learn to integrate with Nature above and against the remaining — moreover constantly growing — ego, hate, rejection.

In order to become capable of integrating with Nature, we have to reach a certain level of similarity with its qualities, like tuning radio receivers to the right frequency or finding the right codes to access a database on a computer network.

And the way we can reach this similarity with Nature’s internal, altruistic system is through integrating between us, among Human beings by building Nature-like, altruistic, mutually responsible and mutually complementing connections in unique conditions, environments. We need to learn how to do this on top of the growing, resisting ego, individualism, distrust, and hate, to such an extent that we can learn to channel, harness even the ego to strengthen the mutual integration.

Am I acting or I am acted upon?!

This leads us to the heart of the matter.

Nature’s evolutionary plan drives us towards our final purpose, goal regardless of our consent since we are an integral part of the Natural system — contrary to our usual beliefs — thus the “happy ending” is guaranteed.

So do I have any free choice in this, where is the “I” in this whole process?!

First of all, we have no inherent, realistic, tangible sensation of existing in a fully integrated, all-encompassing Universe that is operated, driven by a single force-field, plan.

After all, we do not even sense and accept that we evolved into a fully integrated Humanity where we all depend on each other and have to be responsible for each other! If we felt this tangibly “in our bones” we would behave completely different than how we behaved for example through the pandemic!

We are still convinced that we are all unique, independent creatures that can act individually, according to personal decisions, directions, goals. Inside we are very pragmatic, realistic “judges”, so we accept only what our eyes see, hands touch, we can “put into our mouth” like children.

My “I”, the unique, truly Human observer in me is the consciousness, which — by constantly changing, fine-tuning itself — can come to the clear, undeniable recognition, attainment, (“sensing it in the bone”) that natural reality is indeed a single, all-encompassing system permeated, operated by a single, all-powerful Natural force and its evolutionary plan that determines everything, all the cause and effect processes leading to a perfect final goal.

True Freedom

This is truly mind-boggling! We have to convince, lead our inherently egocentric, individualistic, subjective “self” to start acting, making efforts in order to prove to itself that it is fully operated as a puppet without any actual free choice!!!!

This is how it looks from our present point of view when we observe, consume reality from our inherently selfish, introverted “black hole” drawing everything towards ourselves for selfish benefit, fulfillment. But our present state makes us like “worms born into a bitter radish”, thinking that the whole reality is this hostile, dark, crisis-ridden world our ego paints for us inside the bitter radish!

Our true freedom is in detaching ourselves from the ego, tearing ourselves away from our inherently selfish gravitational field, that locks us into the restricted coordinates of time, space, and physical motion! By that, we can become like “free particles” in Nature’s fully integrated “quantum system” roaming around above time, space, and physical motion in an infinite and eternal way.

And this is something our above mentioned, objective judge can actually tangibly feel!

The consciously turning Cogwheel

Dean Radin showed in a unique experiment how we can find that almost virtual, minuscule gap in our otherwise fully predetermined, controlled development, existence, where we can exert our unique Human free choice and change how we experience reality.

He showed that we have a normally unconscious ability to “pre-scan” the future and adjust, filter, direct it according to our inherently egocentric, individualistic, subjective calculations before the future unfolds. This agrees with the observation of quantum physicists, how the observer by simply observing reality changes reality and oneself. The unconscious, instinctively egocentric, subjective scanning, modifying of development keeps us locked up in the bitter radish.

But we can learn how to slow down the movie, isolate that almost virtual (one-tenth of a second) gap and change our calculations, intentions towards the future. In short, we can choose with what intention, attitude we welcome the future that is predetermined.

We can imagine ourselves as cogwheels in a machine. The machine is operating according to a certain plan which will make all the cogwheels turning accordingly. Some cogwheels are unconscious and just turn blindly as the machine goes. But there are a few, already awakened cogwheels that start to become conscious of the movements.

Since we are born with the inherently egocentric, individualistic and subjective consciousness, perception, by default we resent, resist turning with the other cogwheels, and want to change the program of the machine.

By default, according to my original egocentric, subjective program, I want all the cogwheels to turn how I want it, how I think it is best for me!

Thus when the machine turns according to how its program determines, it turns me against my selfish desires, intentions and I suffer. This is how Humanity reacts now as we slowly start to get to grips with our inevitably integrated, interdependent global reality. This is how Human history unfolded so far, Nature forcing us forward through crisis situations, wars, revolutions, collapsing civilizations as a result of intolerable suffering!

On the other hand, we could use the unique free choice offered above to change our inherent intentions and learn, accept the overall plan of the “machine”/evolution, and choose to turn with its plan before the machine turns me that way anyway.

By this split-second change in intention, choosing to go together with the overall plan, direction, I am happily, willingly, most optimally turn together with the other cogwheels, experiencing a completely different existence! I made my expectations, goals, aspirations similar to the system, I have become its partner. And through the similarity I fully understand where and why I have to turn, I start to comprehend the utter perfection of the plan and its goal. Thus I am getting close to my evolutionary purpose!

Work in the Simulator

In order to perform this unique, unprecedented sequence of actions — slowing down to the movie, entering that unique place where I can detect and change the intention, my attitude — I need a special “simulator”.

We can learn to perform these actions and monitor our intentions from the inherently selfish, egocentric, and subjective to the acquired selfless, altruistic, unconditionally serving in a special environment.

Through special, purposeful, methodical circumstances, exercises we can build a habit of always choosing the intention “for the sake of others” instead of the instinctive “for my own sake” as often as possible until this habit becomes second nature.

Before each mutual exercise, action, event I need to use my “free choice”, from within the inherently self-centered, self-justifying, subjective viewpoint — to consciously go against my thoughts, desires, and by annulling myself to the others in the environment I follow them, unconditionally serving, supporting them in anything they do especially against what I would want to do.

By this change of intention, by accepting on myself the “will, plan of the system” — represented to me by those others in the closed environment — my cogwheel turns in the right direction. As a result, I find myself flowing with the system, recognizing its overall plan, direction, sensing the single, all-encompassing force, purpose acting on everything.

This process repeats each time, starting from the initial standpoint of feeling myself, my own calculations, distorted perception in my black hole, bitter radish, then consciously rising above it changing the intention over each new desire, action to become the consciously consenting, cooperation cogwheel in the system — against my inherent egoistic intention.

As we learn, get used to using this template with increasing circles of people, developing, using the unique “dual perception, acting in between contrasting intentions, we get closer and closer to our unique, evolutionary Human purpose of being the conscious observers, witnesses of Nature’s perfect system — justifying its perfection and by that justifying ourselves.

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Zsolt Hermann

I am a Hungarian-born Orthopedic surgeon presently living in New Zealand, with a profound interest in how mutually integrated living systems work.