A Question of Life or Death: The Spiritual Abyss

We stand at the edge of a precipice, trembling on a boundary that divides life as we know it from a reality so foreign it feels like stepping into another galaxy or plunging into the ocean’s depths without oxygen. Our existence, woven from the threads of selfishness, egoism, and individualism, binds us to a world where the self reigns supreme. Yet, within us stirs a yearning — a faint, almost impossible longing — for a reality defined by altruistic, selfless, and unconditionally loving service. This is not merely a change of perspective; it is a complete inversion of our being, a leap into an existence that feels as unattainable as breathing underwater.

We can vaguely imagine what such a reality might be like, especially when guided by authentic spiritual teachings. We read of a world built on pure, selfless love and bestowal, where the ego no longer demands attention or reward. But imagination is not comprehension. We have no memory, no taste, no lived experience of such a state. Worse still, we lack even the natural desire for it. Our origins are rooted in the egoistic self, and every moment of our lives has revolved around nurturing and satisfying it. A reality where the ego holds no sway seems fantastical, a dream too distant to grasp.

Our ego is our engine, the force that fuels our actions and defines our motivations. It pays for every step we take, every choice we make, as long as it benefits in return. Confidence, knowledge, emotions — all stem from this self-centered core. To break through into a selfless reality requires a fuel we do not possess, a motivation that feels alien to our very nature. How can we yearn for something we cannot even truly desire?

Yet, through unique, collective work within a spiritual group, we edge closer to this boundary. By tirelessly intensifying our aim to acquire the qualities of pure, selfless love — against the grain of our inherent nature — we begin to feel the weight of our limitations. Coupled with the growing emptiness and disillusionment of our ordinary lives, as we watch the world around us crumble, we arrive at this threshold. For a fleeting moment, we convince ourselves we are ready to cross over. We believe we can shed our egoistic selves and step into the spiritual reality.

But soon, we falter. Standing at this divide, we realize we cannot move forward. The boundary, once a mere line, now looms as an unbridgeable abyss. We cannot even muster a true, desperate prayer for help from the single governing force of reality — the Creator — to pull us across and free us from the ego’s grip. Just as one cannot lift oneself by pulling one’s own hair, we cannot, from within the ego, plead for its total nullification. The ego cannot dethrone itself.

This realization brings a crushing despair. After years, perhaps decades, of effort — sacrificing time, energy, and worldly pursuits to reach this point — we find ourselves paralyzed. The overwhelming, visceral need to forsake our current lifestyle, to surrender completely to the spiritual reality, eludes us. The divide between corporeality and spirituality, which once seemed surmountable, now feels like an infinite chasm. We stand helpless, our motivation drained, our strength sapped, unable to take the final step that would carry us across.

This is not a physical decision, tied to our bodies or actions in the material world. It is an internal revolution, a seismic shift in the very protagonist of our life’s story. We must relinquish all self-concern, all subjective thoughts, aspirations, and calculations. We must agree to exist solely for the sake of others, acting only to serve and facilitate the flow of the Creator’s benevolence through us to everyone and everything else — without reward, recognition, or even acknowledgment. For all intents and purposes, we must consent to disappear, to exist only as a conduit for others, unnoticed and uncelebrated.

This failure, this helplessness, is a bitter pill to swallow. We believed we were striving for something greater, that our sacrifices would lead us to the threshold of transformation. Yet, standing here, we find our resolve crumbling. The despair is not just personal; it is collective. In our spiritual group, bound by mutual support and commitment, we feel the shared weight of our inability to break through. We have drawn upon unique, natural forces through our conscious and unconscious efforts, but even these seem insufficient.

But it is precisely in this despair, in this burning, intolerable pain of perceived failure, that a spark of hope emerges. If we have built a strong enough foundation — if our mutual support is unyielding, our commitment unbreakable — this collective anguish can ignite a new kind of prayer. Not the “perfect” prayer for total self-annulment, but a raw, heartfelt plea born of love for others. We cry out to the Creator, not for ourselves, but for our friends, our companions on this journey. We beg for their salvation, their entry into spirituality, even if it means we ourselves might never cross the divide. The thought of their failure is unbearable, a pain that cuts deeper than our own.

If even a small but resolute minority within our group can unite in this selfless prayer, it will pierce the heavens. This prayer, born of true concern for others, reaches the Creator. In response, He grants these pioneers an all-consuming, uncompromising yearning for spirituality — not for their own sake, but to connect to the single, benevolent source of life and serve all of existence. They feel, at last, an overwhelming desire, a visceral conviction that without the Creator’s help, death itself would be preferable to continuing in their current state.

This is the moment of breakthrough. The spiritual reality, once an unreachable dream, unfolds before them. The abyss is crossed, not by their own strength, but through the Creator’s grace, ignited by their selfless love for one another. In this surrender, they find life — not the life of the ego, but a life of eternal, altruistic connection to the source of all existence. This is the true crossing, the passage from death to life, from isolation to unity, from despair to divine purpose.